


Perspective

by tinx_r



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-18
Updated: 2008-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-17 15:52:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinx_r/pseuds/tinx_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I want you, and it scares the hell out of me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perspective

I want you, and it scares the hell out of me.

I love you. You know I do. I know you love me back. So yeah, of course I want you. But that's not what I mean.

It's lucky there hasn't been a tough case, it's hard enough for me to get through breakfast. If I can't see you, there's a knot in my gut until you're back. If I can see you, I want to touch you, need to touch you, and standing across the room from you acting like this thing between us is the same as it's always been is making me crazy.

Since that night, every thought I have is you. Everything I feel is you.

I can't think, Nick, can't even fucking **see** , I don't know if I can breathe without you anymore and I'm scared, scared like I've never been, not even that time I was goddamn sure I'd never see the outside of the jungle again. That time, you were with me. You were scared too, I knew it, we both knew, we were strong for each other, and we made it. But this time you're not scared and I am and I don't know what to do with that.

I pushed you away last night. The look in your eyes made me ache all over, but I had to, Nick, I have to get some perspective. I can't want you like this, I **know** it's not normal, it's not fucking **safe** to need you so bad.

This morning you've been looking at me like you'd better do something. I wish you would, but I don't know what. When I try to work this out it's chaos. It only makes any kind of sense when you're next to me, when you hold me, and that scares me too.

I've got no idea what happens next, how we do this, and I always do, I've always got it under control. That's how I am, you know that. But this, I don't know where to start, that's the problem, and how can I figure anything out when all I want to do is kiss you?

Now you're looking at me like you know exactly what I'm thinking and I hope like hell you don't. Christ, Nick, don't touch me now, I'll cry or scream or something and Murray might come in and then what?

_"Murray won't come in. I asked him to go out for the morning. Cody, you have to trust me, man. This thing is gonna be perfect, once we get it tamed. Right now, we just have to ride it out."_

When you hold me I believe that. Don't let me go, Nick. _"Quit reading my mind."_

_"Stop thinking so loud, and maybe I will."_

Oh.

_"There's no rules for this, Cody. You can't control it, you can't plan it, just go with it."_

_"I'll try."_

_"Good. Now come downstairs, baby."_

Oh. Okay.


End file.
